this post was drafted earlier on 2 September 2010
Great news!
We’re expecting again! The irony is that I had a miscarriage on Merdeka Day last year & this year on Merdeka Day, I find out that I’m pregnant. Wonderful news!
So, next step is to pray & pray real hard that this little one won’t leave me like the other 2 little ones before him (or her).
I know I’ve asked some of my friends to pray for me to conceive but I hope you’ll continue to pray for me to have a strong baby who will make it through the first trimester. Bless me. Bless me. Bless me. Doesn’t matter if you’re not a Catholic. I’m not fussy about prayers just as long as you bless me.
O’ little baby, please don’t go away. Be strong & healthy & resilient & survive. Please survive.
Tradition calls for me to note some observations at the beginning of all my pregnancies. So here goes!
Early symptoms
- facial blemishes
- bloating
- early morning hunger –ravenous like that.
- emotional (tears & temper)
- cravings for lala
- no nausea yet
- some fatigue
As a reminder to my future (fat) self:
Great news!
We’re expecting again! The irony is that I had a miscarriage on Merdeka Day last year & this year on Merdeka Day, I find out that I’m pregnant. Wonderful news!
So, next step is to pray & pray real hard that this little one won’t leave me like the other 2 little ones before him (or her).
I know I’ve asked some of my friends to pray for me to conceive but I hope you’ll continue to pray for me to have a strong baby who will make it through the first trimester. Bless me. Bless me. Bless me. Doesn’t matter if you’re not a Catholic. I’m not fussy about prayers just as long as you bless me.
O’ little baby, please don’t go away. Be strong & healthy & resilient & survive. Please survive.
Tradition calls for me to note some observations at the beginning of all my pregnancies. So here goes!
Early symptoms
- facial blemishes
- bloating
- early morning hunger –ravenous like that.
- emotional (tears & temper)
- cravings for lala
- no nausea yet
- some fatigue
As a reminder to my future (fat) self:
Age: 33yoWeight: 48kg
Hair: Bob cut, colored due to grey hair making a vigorous appearance
Weight: 48kg
Mood: Emotional –can you believe I cried when we sang Negaraku in church?
Cravings: lala, beef ball noodles
Nausea: not yet
Who am I kidding? I write in nonchalance, as if I have not a care in the world. But I do. I have ONE care right now. And it’s one BIG care. I’ve gone through 2 miscarriages. & I am worried sick about this pregnancy. The minute I peed on that stick, the 2 lines formed immediately. Positive?? Tilt head… POSITIVE!! I was so happy… I’ve been praying for this. In fact, I’ve been praying for just this, THIS MONTH, THIS CYCLE. & yes, shamelessy, I’ve asked friends to pray for me too. I know you may have thought that I was jesting, but I wasn’t. I don’t have to delve into the deepest reaches of my heart to find the seriousness that came with that request. It’s all over my heart. I SO WANTED TO BE PREGNANT. & there I was with a stick & 2 lines. I was pregnant!
Then I started crying because it hit me: it could happen again. I don’t want to lose another one. I don’t. Please don’t let me lose another. I see all these pregnant moms around me & I start wishing that I was one of them. They must be ever so happy & delirious in their anticipation. If I have to go through another loss, I’ll be a statistic, which I already am. But if I have 3 consecutive miscarriages then I’ll be in a different statistic pool.The husband told me to stop crying & to suck it up (that’s my line by the way, which he stole). That the baby “cant tell the difference between tears of happiness & tears of joy” (ok that made me laugh). He meant happiness vs sadness I guess. But I couldn’t stop crying. That was 3 days ago.
We’ve decided to keep it under wraps for the 1st trimester. Yes, we’re trying not to tell anyone… that’s a big thing for the husband ok. He cant keep secrets from his mom. I dont know how to keep this a secret unless I was locked up in the house for 3 months. The day after I found out about my pregnancy, a colleague sauntered up to me & asked if I was pregnant. Shocking huh? Apparently she had a dream about me being pregnant :). Maybe she’s psychic. Maybe I should ask her to dream about my having delivered a healthy baby. Sigh.
Thank you Lord for blessing me again.
I hope this time, You’ll allow me to keep this one.
I pray that this new life I’m carrying will be a strong one & that it will not leave me too prematurely.
Guide me to make the best choices for my body and my baby.
Pray give me good thoughts so that this will be a good & conducive home for my littlest one.
Hair: Bob cut, colored due to grey hair making a vigorous appearance
Weight: 48kg
Mood: Emotional –can you believe I cried when we sang Negaraku in church?
Cravings: lala, beef ball noodles
Nausea: not yet
Who am I kidding? I write in nonchalance, as if I have not a care in the world. But I do. I have ONE care right now. And it’s one BIG care. I’ve gone through 2 miscarriages. & I am worried sick about this pregnancy. The minute I peed on that stick, the 2 lines formed immediately. Positive?? Tilt head… POSITIVE!! I was so happy… I’ve been praying for this. In fact, I’ve been praying for just this, THIS MONTH, THIS CYCLE. & yes, shamelessy, I’ve asked friends to pray for me too. I know you may have thought that I was jesting, but I wasn’t. I don’t have to delve into the deepest reaches of my heart to find the seriousness that came with that request. It’s all over my heart. I SO WANTED TO BE PREGNANT. & there I was with a stick & 2 lines. I was pregnant!
Then I started crying because it hit me: it could happen again. I don’t want to lose another one. I don’t. Please don’t let me lose another. I see all these pregnant moms around me & I start wishing that I was one of them. They must be ever so happy & delirious in their anticipation. If I have to go through another loss, I’ll be a statistic, which I already am. But if I have 3 consecutive miscarriages then I’ll be in a different statistic pool.The husband told me to stop crying & to suck it up (that’s my line by the way, which he stole). That the baby “cant tell the difference between tears of happiness & tears of joy” (ok that made me laugh). He meant happiness vs sadness I guess. But I couldn’t stop crying. That was 3 days ago.
We’ve decided to keep it under wraps for the 1st trimester. Yes, we’re trying not to tell anyone… that’s a big thing for the husband ok. He cant keep secrets from his mom. I dont know how to keep this a secret unless I was locked up in the house for 3 months. The day after I found out about my pregnancy, a colleague sauntered up to me & asked if I was pregnant. Shocking huh? Apparently she had a dream about me being pregnant :). Maybe she’s psychic. Maybe I should ask her to dream about my having delivered a healthy baby. Sigh.
Thank you Lord for blessing me again.
I hope this time, You’ll allow me to keep this one.
I pray that this new life I’m carrying will be a strong one & that it will not leave me too prematurely.
Guide me to make the best choices for my body and my baby.
Pray give me good thoughts so that this will be a good & conducive home for my littlest one.
No comments:
Post a Comment