raising brats

i'm often told to leave the baby to cry. that paying too much attention will spoil him. recently, i spoke to a new-mom friend of mine & jokingly chastised her about spoiling her newborn daughter. something that i've been getting regular doses of myself --albeit not jokingly.

her reply was, "i dont care. shes JUST a baby."

& another friend says "if we dont carry them now, when will we? soon, they'll be walking on their own. soon, they won't even want their uncool parents around."

& i couldnt agree more.

however, here are some sound (huh!!) advice that i've been getting:

1-let the baby be by himself in the cot (gilos ke? im a new mom, you think i wont be staring at him to make sure hes ok ah??)

2-dont "catch&keep" which is a colloquial for dont carry your son or keep your son to yourself all the time that he becomes so attached to you (i want him to be attached to me. im his mom arent i?)

3-let the baby cry (then dapat colic macam mana? cry even more & still let them go on crying isit?)

im confused. im supposed to be "bonding" with my child --especially during my 2 months maternity leave. thats why they give us the 2months right? in europe even better, 9 months maternity leave also got. all in the name of bonding. takkan the baby tu nak bond dengan botol susu kan.

of course, i dont lah pick him up at the slightest sound he makes. yes, i do let him cry some --to strengthen his lungs --but not to the point where hes crying so miserably lah right. & no, i dont "catch&keep" all the time. but think about it. im a working mom. i only get to play with him in the morning for 30mins & when i come back from work. & even then, i have to juggle my need to play with him & the need to do house chores. its not like i carry him for 24hours. duhh! but there, i want him to feel loved & i want him to know that im there. whats so wrong about your child feeling secure about your love huh? how do you justify ignoring a newborn all in the name of teaching him independence?? tak paham lah.

anyways, heres what the experts say. so, to those of you doomsayers --nenenenenehh (finger on nose)!!

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Should I worry about spoiling my baby?
If I lavish love and attention on my baby, will I spoil him?

Expert Answers
Sandy Bailey, certified family life educator

No. Young babies are completely spoil-proof. Your baby needs all the care and attention you can give. Ignore the advice of well-meaning relatives who think babies need to learn independence. Instead, listen to your parental instinct — that inner voice that tells you to comfort your baby when he cries.

"Spoiled children" have learned to use negative behavior to get what they want. But your baby is too young to purposefully manipulate or annoy you. He cries to communicate his needs, whether they're for a snack, a dry diaper, or a little cuddling with Mom or Dad. When you respond quickly to your baby, you're building his sense of self-worth. You're also establishing a foundation of trust that can last for years to come.

If you give your baby prompt attention, he'll feel more secure and less anxious, giving him the courage to explore the world on his own. And once he understands that you take his cries seriously, he'll be less likely to cry for no reason. In the long run, responding quickly to your baby's needs will make him less clingy and demanding, not more.

By the time your baby is 6 to 8 months old, he'll be paying close attention to cause and effect — noticing, for instance, that his bowl falls when he drops it from the highchair. He'll also start to see a direct link between his actions and your responses. At this point it's okay to set some limits. If your baby starts crying to get something he doesn't need, hold your ground and give him a hug when he calms down. Similarly, give hugs and praise for good behavior and gently redirect him when he's doing something hazardous.

The right blend of love and guidance will eventually help your child understand his place in the world. But for now, your focus should be on giving him as much attention and comfort as you can. No matter how much you give, it's not more than he needs.