slowdown due to size

we went to our 35th week checkup last weekend. the good news is that my sugar level is under control. my weight is now 61.9kg & baby blub is at approximately 2.4kg. at the time of writing this, i am nearing the end of week 36 which means that i have 4 weeks to go till my due date.

the doctor is working under the assumption that i will be delivering normally/vaginally. she cant tell yet whether i'll need a c-sect cos she cant assess how big the baby will be at the time of birth (cos it could pre- or post-term delivery mah). however, she did say this: looking at the husband & moi, the baby at 2.4kg now is a bit big (considering the parents' sizes lah). sighhh...

i am slowing down on a lot of things. not by choice really but just cos the body cant take much of anything anymore. walking is difficult cos i feel so heavy. i try to go for my recommended walks in the evening but tired lah. the husband drives me to work now although i still have to drive back from work on my own seeing as his official work hours end at 9pm. i cant be waiting for him to get me after 9pm now can i? i'm also feeling nervous about driving around on my own these days but like i said, i dont have much of a choice. if only i had a chauffeur. heh. wishful thinking. every little ache & pain makes me wonder if its labour pains im facing.

anyways, wanna see how big i am now? :-)

today someone asked me if i was carrying twins. hehe. dunno to be insulted or not lah.

bulats

lookit me.
im so round.
its the face that gets to me.
its bulat.

why cant i look like a. jolie ah?

nerves

we are 5 weeks away from the EDD.

but you know what they say –it can be plus/minus 2 weeks. so im more than a little nervous right now. seeing as its my first time, i don’t even know what to expect. even with the baby movements, i don’t know whats a kick or a twitch or a punch or whatever. people ask me “oh wheres the head & wheres the feet?” & im like “errr… i dunnnnoooo!!” apparently, pregnant women will get braxton hicks contractions –this is the body’s way of practicing for real labor contractions. but, yeah, you guessed it… i don’t know whether i’m having these practice contractions or if its really the baby moving. so i worry that i wont know when the time comes. of course, every piece of literature i’ve come across says that “you’ll know” when it’s the real thing. i’m afraid that i wont get to the hospital in time & blub will be delivered in the car. i’m afraid that the husband wont be around when the water bag breaks, seeing as his working hours are different than mine. he says he will arrange for a back-up but i really really want him to be there from the first pain, the first realization, the first anything. cos i’ll be so afraid.

i’m afraid of going through the labor pains. of having an episiotomy. of tearing naturally. of not being able to have a doodie dot com session after the delivery for fear of tearing the stitches. of going through hours & hours of labor. i’m afraid that i cant deliver vaginally & have to have a c-section. now i’m thinking why don’t i just opt for a c-section in advance? but you see, my mom had 6 of us normally. my sisters had their kids normally. other women who are smaller than i am had their kids normally. so i should be able to do it too right? but my doctor says it really depends on how big the baby is compared to me.

i hope the husband cries when i cry. that’ll be justice enough. in the husband’s family, shouting in pain during labor is considered embarrassing. me being me, i joked that i’ll shout & scream my head off even if i wasn’t in pain just to make the husband feel guilty. but now, now, i’m genuinely scared.

the husband’s aunt who’s married to an italian says that it is the italian custom for the husband to give the wife diamonds for giving him a son. & seeing as the husband is so perasan that he is an italian (not) muahahaha… so i wonder, wonder, wonder… would i be getting any rocks? tengok-tengok dapat batu sungai hihihihi… which of course i will throw at him… no lah, i’ll treasure it forever. maybe i’ll timbun it with layers and layers of soil, rock, sand etc… & billions of years from now it will turn into petroleum & will make my descendents rich oil tycoons.

see, always find the positive in things. hihihi… yes, even if you get accused of day dreaming too much…

hihihi...

confessions of a (pregnant) shopaholic

hi my name is (pregnant) woman & im a shopaholic.

on top of that im also in denial... despite being 8 months preggers, i insist on buying non-maternity clothes.

i have been complaining to the husband that ive got nothing to wear. especially on the casual side. & ive been meaning to visit this shop called amour in dsara utama. the clothes are sold at a very reasonable price. so yesterday, after work, i drove over & shopped to my heart's content. on plastic. & i visited not just amour, but amos too (another cheap-ish boutique if you can call it that). sigh...

as most shopaholics are wont to do, i would like deal with my guilty conscience by saying this: but i got it for cheappppp. truly.

i spent rm370 for 14 items which makes it an average of rm26 per item. cheap right? however, the only maternity item i got was this ONE top. the others are just stretch-y stuff. yoga pants which, instead of folded down at the hips (cos though the pants is black, the folding area is colorful so folding it makes it rather vogue), i can pull up over my tummy. some stretchy tops which can be used even after i deliver. i have decided that i will also use the yoga pants to work --who cares if theyre not proper office attire. as long as i wear it with a work-top, nobody would know the difference. we pregnant women cant be too fussy. have you seen the prices of proper maternity clothes?? madness. besides, they look too pregnant to me. & thats a no-no for a person who's in denial like moi.

i did feel guilty about spending the money & apologized to the husband. his reaction was: why lah you apologizing to me? its ok lah, it was bound to come out --you really are a shopaholic. ciss...

oh well, it's my money right. actually, it's the bank's money. but it's still my debt. i wish i were a rich celebrity with a personal stylist. i also wish i had a personal trainer so i can get fit after my pregnancy. at the moment the thighs are all-a-jiggles. i think if i were to attach bells on them, boleh lah nyanyi lagu jingle bells. the husband, bless his soul, says im not fat. well im not. but im flabby since i got pregnant. i got friends who are bigger than i am but theyre so... non-jiggly. why ah? why cant i be like them? still, i should count myself lucky hor? there are also people who are big AND jiggly. at least im small & jiggly.

but you know, this obsession women have about being slim & all, it's really just a woman thing. of course, we can always blame it on the men who we feel want us to be slim right? but not all men are like that. my brother has a big-ish wife. shes not super fat lah but shes not slim either. my brother once told a girl friend of mine (who was obsessed with losing weight) that there are men who like big women. some even like them obese. the reality is that some men like something to grab. & i will have to concur with that. the husband is always complaining that im too small. ok lah maybe not now that im 8months pregnant. he'll look at pictures of my teenage self & say: ahhh see, you looked so fit then. now you look fragile.

ok how did i get on to this topic?

so back to shopping...

this weekend, im going shopping for pillows. for when my (big) family comes. i gotta slip-proof my bathroom too so that my mom will feel more secure when she bathes the baby for me so im buying something for that --i dont know what but something. i gotta oil my door hinges before my dad comes cos he will go mad listening to the creaking sounds. im sure i'll find more things to buy when i get to wherever im shopping. but this time, i think i'll use the husband's plastic instead.

diet modification

tsk tsk tsk...

it seems i am a borderline gestational diabetic. so, i have to modify my diet. cut down on sweet things (obviously), carbohydrates & even fruits & juices. i cant have yogurt unless its the non-flavored kind. im a bit iffy on whether i can have milk. im to purchase a glucose monitor/meter so that i can update a daily monitoring chart. gilos. luckily i only have about 6 weeks to go before i pop. sigh, its rather difficult to review my diet plan at the moment. i mean i can give up the obvious things like ice-creams/lollies/sweets. but how about the daily things i eat? charsiewpau, rice, dimsum, bread, peanut butter etc? of all the fruits i mentioned to the doctor, the only approved fruits are guava & green apples. sigh... & im on mango-mode at the moment. & i just bought some oranges too. lers. the husband has to finish them all. i'll be looking on in envy.

again, the baby was hiding his face at today's check-up. this time with his hands over his face. malu-malu kucing pulak. sigh... hes now 2.1kg & big momma is only 59.9kg. i thought i'd be like over 60kg.

im in the office now & i took off my bra. hehehe... it was hurting me. almost time to leave now so im gonna have to whip into the ladies to put it back on again.

stretchy stretchy

i discovered to my utter dismay that i have developed the ugly stretch marks. theyre not white silvery lines. their ugly crimson ones. i didnt notice them at first because theyre right under my tummy above the pubes.

last week, i was appalled to see some snaking on my sides/waist. they didnt look like much at first & i thought they were just indentations from my pants, but to my horror, they kept becoming more & more obvious as the days went by. sobbbbbssss!! & so, i began my frantic check on other parts of the tummy & found, jengjengjeng... even MORE under the tummy above the pubes.

& i thought (or hoped) that i wouldnt succumb to this. wahhh!! i think using the lotion/cream to keep stretch marks at bay is a hoax. serious shit. it helps with the itching, sure. but think about it logically lah right. sure lah your skin will stretch izenit. sighhh... the question really is how stretchy is your skin. if its very stretchy then less marks, if resistant to stretching then more marks. ok wateva, dont listen to me, im just trying to make myself feel better. my doctor said that she never used any creams even & that whatever you do, the cursed things will come. sighhh...

the tummy looks like a ball now. hihihi... i SO do not have a nice looking tummy. maybe a nice shape but not nice skin over the tummy. as you can see from the pictures below. enjoy. dont barff too much.

can you see the stretch marks?

i applied some oil to help with the itching. but the stretch marks came anyways.

the bump vs the thighs vs the feet.

thank goodness the feet have yet to swell. doesnt mean theyre pretty though.

the husbands hairy hand vs the bump.