ethans 9mths in pictures

a bit lidut in uploading pictures this time around. no time lah but i'll get into that later. here are some pictures of my 9mth old son.

i am a bullied mom

but he literally "hangs on" to daddy

(i was in such a hurry to capture the moment that the picture became blurred &

STILL i didnt quite capture it)

hes got a goofy grin while daddy looks on indulgently


he was awfully sick in this one
(but my son is a camera freak & smiles as soon as he sees one)

this was taken at the airport just before he boarded the plane with his grandparents for a 3-week holiday in sabah. he was so heartbroken to leave us. ;-p

see i told you he was heartbroken

etha*n is 9months old

ethan is sporting more teeth now. my worry is that theyre not properly aligned. oh dear. i hope they'll turn out ok. hes beginning to walk around albeit while holding onto his cot/playpen railings. he smiles a lot. sometimes on his own. the books say that its because at this stage babies are amused at their own antics. syok sendiri hor? but so cute lah. he likes to squint his eyes small when he's laughing.

new things: ethan can wave bye-bye and clap his hands when we tell him to. which means that he can understand certain words now e.g. water, bye-bye, clap hands. when i change him out of his tops, i just have to ask him to lift his arms up & i pull the t-shirt off. unlike before, when i had to slide his arms out one by one first.

foodwise, we've started giving him a taste of whatever we're eating. his favorite is pinches of bread or whatever bun or crackers. he's quite good with his porridge now too --maybe because we've started adding some salt for taste. eats them without fuss... err... as long as he has something in his hands to keep him distracted. my usual recipe is, salmon or ikan bilis or chicken with patatoes or carrots or broccoli or cauliflower or pumpkin or spinach.

i'll upload some pictures for your viewing pleasure in the next entry.

i am no longer pregnant :-(

yes, we lost our little one. it goes without saying that we were very sad. of course we can try again. but it doesn’t change the fact that we lost THIS one. we even saw & heard the heartbeat & then it was gone.

21 march – brown discharge. thought my period started a day early.

22 march – period due but didn’t start. hmm…

23 march – 1 day late. pregnancy home test positive :-).

24 march – 2 days late. 2nd pregnancy home test positive :-)).

25 march – announced good news to immediate family. happy happy.

4 april – gynea appointment. confirmed 5weeks+5days pregnant. 2 heart lines formed. no heart beat yet.

5 april – brown discharge. worried sick.

6 april – visit to gynea. heartbeat strong. says the brown discharge is normal in early pregnancies. jab in the bum to stabilize the womb.

7 april – woke up with wet pants. felt something coming out (just like when you have your period). ran to bathroom. big (fist sized) bloody clots came out the whole morning. called gynea. fears i’ve miscarried :-(. bad cramps. visited gynea in the afternoon. confirmed miscarriage. pills to help induce contractions & get rid of remaining clots :-((.

6-10 april – 5 days mc. some days the cramps feel like pregnancy contractions. didn’t have to go for a d&c.

to those who knew & sent me warm messages, thank you. to those who only now know (about both the good & bad news), thank you for your congratulations and condolences (?) if thats whats coming. im ok. a little sad. ok, a lot sad, but watudu. life throws at us so many things. its not like we can say no. so i’ll take what comes (& goes) as they happen. wish me luck next time.

***

my poor baby. although you must’ve been so very, very teeny weeny.

text book says only the size of a poppy seed. but i had you.

& i must’ve started loving you because i cried when i lost you.

& your daddy must’ve felt the same way too.

cos he didn’t go to work for 3 days. 3 days!

& if you had not gone away, you would come to know that missing work is a big no-no for him.

your big brother cried inconsolably in the wee hours of the morning before you went away.

he usually sleeps through the night.

so i guess he knew something was happening & he was crying out in protest.

i wonder whether you would have turned out to be a little sister or a little brother to him.

wherever you are, i love you & i miss you.

yes, even if you gave me a week of nausea & back aches.

bye baby.

your mother.

***

belated good news

this was an entry that i drafted earlier:

i am pregnant (again) :-)

weight : 47kg
vital stats : malas lah
hair : short & colored
LMP : 23 to 28 feb 09
EDD : 30 nov 09 (oooh, confinement in dec09 & jan10)
physical symptoms : bloated tummy, sore boobs, constipation (a real killer this)

yes we are expecting baby no. 2. etha*n is only 8.5mths old. when i’m due to deliver in late november, etha*n would be 16months old i.e. hes 16 months older to his little sibling. was it planned or was it oops? well, that’s a question to answer. a couple of months after etha*n, i was already badgering for another. why? because i felt etha*n was growing up too fast & i started feeling like oh-how-nice-to-have-another-soon. but i was also alternating with feelings of guilt towards etha*n. i just felt that i should spend more time with him before we have a 2nd child. but of course, seeing as i’m already in my 30s, its not like i can delay it for too long. so yeah, we wanted to have the 2nd one soon after etha*n but we’re both worried that etha*n didn’t have enough time with us. which is a stupid thing really. theres more than enough love to go around mah. the husband even said: make sure we treat them equally ok! yes sirree…

my period is very on the dot so when i was late by just a day, i had already rushed to get the pregnancy home test kit & tested myself immediately. the husband as usual, was very cynical, just like the first time. i dunno why he couldn’t understand that for a person who is hardly ever late, being late is an indicator of something, anything. this is called, knowing thine own body well. harumppff.

so, i took the test & it was positive. tadaaa…

i gotta take a picture of my tummy albeit a bit stretch-marky.

this time around, my mood swings are really bad. i am so short tempered and bitchy –it’s not funny at all. i don’t know whether its ONLY because of the pregnancy or could it be because i’m cranky for not having etha*n with me and because i’m tired from having to drive the Kepong-PJ-Puchong-KL-Kepong route everyday? i wonder if it’s a girl? my SIL told me that if i was in a mellow mood for my first pregnancy & i had a boy, then if i’m not in a mellow mood in the 2nd pregnancy then i might be having a girl? ada logic kah? whatever lah. right now, i just feel so tired & moody & short-tempered. the husband is not making things easy either cos he doesn’t seem as attentive as with the first pregnancy. i think some men look at it as “well she went through the first one, surely she can do this on her own now”. and yes, i can. but its just nice to have someone to lean on, to listen to my list of complaints (oh im tired/my boobs hurt/i feel so weepy). also, the thing that men should realize is this: just because we’ve gone through it before doesn’t make the next time easier especially as we have to deal with this pregnancy & all its many joys together WITH having to deal with the first 1 or 2 or 3 children isn’t it. have a heart men!! & more importantly, have a head!!

i’m only 5 weeks pregnant now. we’ve only told a handful of people because of the first-trimester-higher-risk thingy but that has slowly ballooned to more people. i don’t really want to treat it like a state secret lah & as it is i don’t feel right if i denied it. it is good news & he/she is a gift of God so i should be sharing my good news isn’t it? so yeah, i’ve decided to post this entry anyways. but maybe AFTER my check-up this weekend yer.

etha*ns 8mth in pictures

first i heard the laughter. suddenly silence. & when i turned around, he had fallen asleep on his father's tummy while playing. & when i whipped out my camera & began snapping, he even smiled.

& as i have mentioned & probably shown in previous entries, etha*n is now a steady stander. at the moment, hes begun attempting to let go of any support so that he can stand on his own now.

this is my "penetrating eyes" look

i love mummy (or the camera?)

etha*n is 8months old

:-D

hes sick (again). tsk tsk... yes, its still the cough & flu. kasian dia. the coughing is the one that gets to me. i hate hearing him cough in his sleep.

my mom says hes probably feeling poorly because hes teething. which is happening. i can see his front upper gums tipped white which is the tooth cutting through i guess. also in the last 1 week he has been a bit difficult. tossing & turning in his sleep & when hes awake, hes constantly putting his fingers in his mouth to alleviate the soreness i guess. cos he chomps at his fingers & not sucks at them.

at 7months i was so eager to check out his weight. but ma boy, hes a bit of a mr wriggles. & when we placed him on the weighing scale in the clinic, the needle was going haywire. i think i might take him to try it out again tomorrow since we're in the vicinity of the clinic.

im not sure what was my update in the last entry. probably the same i guess. he can now take a few steps while standing supported in his cot. last night, he tried to stand unsupported by letting go of the cot railing a couple of times. but my mom said he "bergegar" hihihi... means, shaky... so farnee. my dad thinks hes a curious little boy cos he always watches my dad when he walks past him to see where my dad goes or what he does.

my favorite moments with etha*n is when its just the 2 of us rolling around in bed laughing. his idea of a funny good time is biting me on my face or knees or tummy or wherever lah. which makes it ticklish & im usually howling in laughter. this gets etha*n going even more. we're almost wrestling with each other. at the end of it, both our faces will be full of (his) saliva. haha... the husband tends to leave us alone during these times as it just means he can watch his tv uninterrupted. you dont know what you're missing babe! but then again, with that face full of stubble, never mind lah, better you dont come near us.

the brain development of babies are amazing. etha*n now knows when he does something cute & he'll keep at it bcos it makes me laugh. the latest thing that he does is sport a gummy smile & close his eyes till all you can see are slits. then he'll open them ever so slightly to watch your reaction (to the gummy smile that makes him look extra chinese). a split second later he'll quickly close his eyes again but not before you see them rolling upwards as he pretends that he wasnt looking at you at all. & through all this is gummy smile, shrieks of laughter and shoulders rolling in pleasure.

the next milestone to wait for apparently is his first step. so i guess i should re-charge my camera batteries. i cannot wait. but before that time comes, i'm gonna have to start babyproofing my home already.

what thoust complaineth, willeth visiteth thoust latersth.

i have a 3-year old niece in australia who is notorious for biting, pinching & scratching. shes adorable but when her victims are also kids (some older to her even hehe), the situation gets a bit sticky with everyone defending their own.

i am one of those defenders.

over the christmas holidays, she bit my son's toe, not once but maybe 2-3 times, within the same hour. i'm not sure because i wasnt there. this was when he was only 5 months old. i heard him crying though. at one point the husband was there when my niece "attacked" & he was so anger... not with my niece but with her mother (my sister) whose only reply was "never mind lah, she geram with him." huh?? it must've been some "geram" because his toe was red with bite marks till the next day.

i feel guilty about 2 things:

i) not being able to protect my baby by not being able to scold my niece sebab takut to offend my sister
ii) being anger with my 3-year old niece who is really just a little girl albeit a naughty one

my mom recently told us that my niece attacked another child in her school in australia & got reprimanded for it. her mother (my sister) was called to the school by my niece's class teacher who said that if my niece does it again she will be demoted to the "baby class". another teacher who overheard this then commented that my niece's class teacher should not have threatened my niece that way & afterall, she as the teacher shouldve been watching the kids.

how ah?

as my mom was telling us this, my sister (who lives here), agreed with the proposed course of action by the teacher. my mom didnt. i just kept quiet. a couple of months ago, this sister (who lives here) went on a trip to australia & her 8-year old son was the victim of many bites, pinches & scratches from his 3-year old cousin. & apparently, instead of the pesalah being properly reprimanded, the victim pulak was accused (by the pesalah's father, my bil) of provoking her into attacking him. & i have to vouch for my nephew lah ok. he wouldnt have done anything that would've led to a backlash on himself. in fact, apparently, my bil in australia actually pinched my nephew (for throwing my niece off in reflex when she launched at him & she started crying).

sigh.

ok, then after my sister & mother were laying out their respective arguments on whether it was wrong of the teacher or not etc, my mother said "better dont talk, your son (my son lah this) is still small, only 8 months old, who knows how he will be." my answer was "ya, he likes to pinch & pull hair too." & my sister pulak defended him & said "ya but he is still small. he doesnt realize it & he just likes to grab hair only."

sighhh...

~can you see how my sister is playing favorites? hihihi...~

maybe because she gets to form a bond with my son cos we are here & my other sister lives in australia. maybe because ya, my niece is 3 years old & my son is only 8 months old & so my son is considered the underdog here. maybe because my bil in australia blamed his daughter's actions on her son & she didnt like it. who knows.

its kinda funny though. my mom was saying to me right after the incident where my niece bit my son's toe a couple of times, that my niece is just a child & therefore i should not be angry with her. true. but what i was really angry about was her mother's reaction. she should've smacked her daughter's fingers ke. marah ke. not say "never mind lah... she geram with him." whether he is my son or not, he's just a baby & when babies hurt they cry & when you are still able to see bite marks long after the actual biting, then, well... it must've been some bite.

susah also lah. i agree with my mom. i dont know how my son will be. i used to get stressed over how my sil's son was super-duper active & naughty. but my son is now super-duper wiggly at 8 months old. so yeah... what thoust complaineth, willeth visiteth thoust latersth maybeth horrrth. & yes, he pinches & scratches & pulls hair now & i dont know if it can be dismissed as baby doesnt know his own strength yet or if its a taster of things to come? so, to be on the safe side, i've started smacking my son's hand when he does it. of course gentle smacking lah hehehe. sometimes when im changing his diaper & he wiggles about, i give his bottom a smack too. then he cries in temper. yes, in temper. which he probably got from me.

back to my niece. but oh... she is so cute lah. so very adorable... & yes, to a certain extent, the biting is because she "geram" & gets a bit excited. so its hard to be angry with her. but we have all learned to keep alert whenever she is within close proximity of other kids. which is all we can do right.

i wonder how my son is gonna be: the bully or the bullied or will he be able to avoid either extremes?