yes, we lost our little one. it goes without saying that we were very sad. of course we can try again. but it doesn’t change the fact that we lost THIS one. we even saw & heard the heartbeat & then it was gone.
21 march – brown discharge. thought my period started a day early.
21 march – brown discharge. thought my period started a day early.
22 march – period due but didn’t start. hmm…
23 march – 1 day late. pregnancy home test positive :-).
24 march – 2 days late. 2nd pregnancy home test positive :-)).
25 march – announced good news to immediate family. happy happy.
4 april – gynea appointment. confirmed 5weeks+5days pregnant. 2 heart lines formed. no heart beat yet.
5 april – brown discharge. worried sick.
6 april – visit to gynea. heartbeat strong. says the brown discharge is normal in early pregnancies. jab in the bum to stabilize the womb.
7 april – woke up with wet pants. felt something coming out (just like when you have your period). ran to bathroom. big (fist sized) bloody clots came out the whole morning. called gynea. fears i’ve miscarried :-(. bad cramps. visited gynea in the afternoon. confirmed miscarriage. pills to help induce contractions & get rid of remaining clots :-((.
6-10 april – 5 days mc. some days the cramps feel like pregnancy contractions. didn’t have to go for a d&c.
to those who knew & sent me warm messages, thank you. to those who only now know (about both the good & bad news), thank you for your congratulations and condolences (?) if thats whats coming. im ok. a little sad. ok, a lot sad, but watudu. life throws at us so many things. its not like we can say no. so i’ll take what comes (& goes) as they happen. wish me luck next time.
to those who knew & sent me warm messages, thank you. to those who only now know (about both the good & bad news), thank you for your congratulations and condolences (?) if thats whats coming. im ok. a little sad. ok, a lot sad, but watudu. life throws at us so many things. its not like we can say no. so i’ll take what comes (& goes) as they happen. wish me luck next time.
***
my poor baby. although you must’ve been so very, very teeny weeny.
text book says only the size of a poppy seed. but i had you.
& i must’ve started loving you because i cried when i lost you.
& your daddy must’ve felt the same way too.
cos he didn’t go to work for 3 days. 3 days!
& if you had not gone away, you would come to know that missing work is a big no-no for him.
your big brother cried inconsolably in the wee hours of the morning before you went away.
he usually sleeps through the night.
so i guess he knew something was happening & he was crying out in protest.
i wonder whether you would have turned out to be a little sister or a little brother to him.
wherever you are, i love you & i miss you.
yes, even if you gave me a week of nausea & back aches.
bye baby.
your mother.
***
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