my first mother's day

i know this is a little late but happy mothers day & hope you got to spend it enjoyably with your kids.


as i’ve mentioned, my son is in sabah for 3 weeks. after his 1st week there, the husband decided i was just too miserable & bought me a return ticket to kk as a moms day treat. so i flew back to kk on thursday night, spent the weekend & moms day (my first ever ;p) & came back on monday night.


etha*n is really having a good time there & is very attached to his grandfather which i think is cute (but i get very jealous of his bond with other women, yes, including his grandmothers –sue me). etha*n will be back in kl this saturday… phew… i miss him so much & i cannot wait. i call him about 4 times a day but my conversations with him makes me sound like a monkey haha. & i think my family back in sabah are tired of picking up my calls.


here are some pictures of etha*n in sabah:

my first mother's day with my first born

i'm a big boy now everyone


tapi masih pakai pacifier


dont attack me mumsie!!

in my "jail" at grandma's

happy mother's day to me :-D

i love my husband to bits

~love you sweetheart. thank you for my gift.~

childcare woes

in my previous entries i made some mention of driving helter-skelter all over the world and ethan going away on a holiday. so heres the elaboration on my references.


for the later part of 2008 and earlier part of 2009, etha*n has been cared for by my mil's maid while im at work. this maid's working permit is due to expire at the end of this month i.e. may09. some time in march09, she decided to buat hal again (not sure if i want to go into what the hal was now because macam malas mau type but see how i feel at the end of this entry ya). so, the husband and i decided we had enough of the sakit hati-ness of dealing with a rogue maid and asked my parents to babysit etha*n till our new maid arrives this month.


my parents came here in march09 to take care of my puchong sister's 2 kids as their maid had gone back to indonesia for a 6-week holiday. so the logistics were such that etha*n would sleep nights in puchong from sunday to wednesday. he would then sleep nights in kepong with us from thursday to saturday. i would visit him everyday after work and leave him again to get the husband from the office.


you might wonder, why didnt we just stay in puchong with him. well, my sister's house was packed with people lah with my parents and etha*n there as well as his playpen, walker, stroller etc. also, we only have 1 car and the husband's daily work hours are 12noon - 9pm. typically, i take the car to work in the morning while he takes the train and i get him at his office when his day ends. if we had stayed in puchong, the husband wouldnt have access to a train station (puchong mah) unless he comes with me early in the morning and i drop him off somewhere. so with etha*n in puchong, i travel from kepong (home) to pj (work) to puchong (son) to kl (husband) to kepong (home). tiring? of course. but i felt much better that my son was with my parents than with the cuckoo-bird of a maid.


ok so that was puchong. now, my sister's maid has comeback from her holiday and my parents relocated (hihihi) to kepong for 2weeks. 2weeks only because they had to go back to sabah this month. so, since my maid is only arriving this month end (and even she came earlier i still wouldnt leave etha*n alone with her just yet), we let etha*n go off with his gramps and grampy for a holiday. sobs. i'll be spending my 1st mother's day without my son also. sobs sobs. we sent him off to the airport last friday. there were no tears (im so proud of myself). but he didnt cry either... tsk... im "sorta" proud of him (i think) for not being cranky and going off without a fuss but im also worried that he wont miss me. so insecure i tell you hehehe. but its only for 3weeks cos then my mom will be coming back here to help me train my maid for 2months. phew!!


etha*n is having a gala of a time in sabah apparently. he hardly cries although sometimes he looks like hes "searching" especially when he gets up from his sleep. he was afraid of one of my brothers (the one thats LEAST scary pulak tu) but i've been informed that they're "best friends" now... after my brother took him to see the chickens, cat and dog. (no my family do not live on a farm... hehe... just a kampung and stray animals often come into the compound. freedom mah). so yeah, etha*n is settling in well. i call them about 5x a day hehe... macam lah the baby can talk to me. but i can hear him jabbering away in the background and thats enough. he has a different group of audience every day with my relatives coming to visit in the throngs. not because of etha*n necessarily but because my parents have been away for months. i keep asking my parent "dapat angpow kah??!" hihi... mata duitan lah i ni.


everyone tells me that this is a chance for me & the husband to re-bond & yes, its nice to have some time alone without having to rush over baby and being snipe-y at each other because we're exhausted. but i still miss my son. there are 2 sets of dirty baju which we saved to take to bed every night. hahaha... funny? yes...


now im contemplating on paying rm600 to go back to sabah for mother's day...

ethans 9mths in pictures

a bit lidut in uploading pictures this time around. no time lah but i'll get into that later. here are some pictures of my 9mth old son.

i am a bullied mom

but he literally "hangs on" to daddy

(i was in such a hurry to capture the moment that the picture became blurred &

STILL i didnt quite capture it)

hes got a goofy grin while daddy looks on indulgently


he was awfully sick in this one
(but my son is a camera freak & smiles as soon as he sees one)

this was taken at the airport just before he boarded the plane with his grandparents for a 3-week holiday in sabah. he was so heartbroken to leave us. ;-p

see i told you he was heartbroken

etha*n is 9months old

ethan is sporting more teeth now. my worry is that theyre not properly aligned. oh dear. i hope they'll turn out ok. hes beginning to walk around albeit while holding onto his cot/playpen railings. he smiles a lot. sometimes on his own. the books say that its because at this stage babies are amused at their own antics. syok sendiri hor? but so cute lah. he likes to squint his eyes small when he's laughing.

new things: ethan can wave bye-bye and clap his hands when we tell him to. which means that he can understand certain words now e.g. water, bye-bye, clap hands. when i change him out of his tops, i just have to ask him to lift his arms up & i pull the t-shirt off. unlike before, when i had to slide his arms out one by one first.

foodwise, we've started giving him a taste of whatever we're eating. his favorite is pinches of bread or whatever bun or crackers. he's quite good with his porridge now too --maybe because we've started adding some salt for taste. eats them without fuss... err... as long as he has something in his hands to keep him distracted. my usual recipe is, salmon or ikan bilis or chicken with patatoes or carrots or broccoli or cauliflower or pumpkin or spinach.

i'll upload some pictures for your viewing pleasure in the next entry.

i am no longer pregnant :-(

yes, we lost our little one. it goes without saying that we were very sad. of course we can try again. but it doesn’t change the fact that we lost THIS one. we even saw & heard the heartbeat & then it was gone.

21 march – brown discharge. thought my period started a day early.

22 march – period due but didn’t start. hmm…

23 march – 1 day late. pregnancy home test positive :-).

24 march – 2 days late. 2nd pregnancy home test positive :-)).

25 march – announced good news to immediate family. happy happy.

4 april – gynea appointment. confirmed 5weeks+5days pregnant. 2 heart lines formed. no heart beat yet.

5 april – brown discharge. worried sick.

6 april – visit to gynea. heartbeat strong. says the brown discharge is normal in early pregnancies. jab in the bum to stabilize the womb.

7 april – woke up with wet pants. felt something coming out (just like when you have your period). ran to bathroom. big (fist sized) bloody clots came out the whole morning. called gynea. fears i’ve miscarried :-(. bad cramps. visited gynea in the afternoon. confirmed miscarriage. pills to help induce contractions & get rid of remaining clots :-((.

6-10 april – 5 days mc. some days the cramps feel like pregnancy contractions. didn’t have to go for a d&c.

to those who knew & sent me warm messages, thank you. to those who only now know (about both the good & bad news), thank you for your congratulations and condolences (?) if thats whats coming. im ok. a little sad. ok, a lot sad, but watudu. life throws at us so many things. its not like we can say no. so i’ll take what comes (& goes) as they happen. wish me luck next time.

***

my poor baby. although you must’ve been so very, very teeny weeny.

text book says only the size of a poppy seed. but i had you.

& i must’ve started loving you because i cried when i lost you.

& your daddy must’ve felt the same way too.

cos he didn’t go to work for 3 days. 3 days!

& if you had not gone away, you would come to know that missing work is a big no-no for him.

your big brother cried inconsolably in the wee hours of the morning before you went away.

he usually sleeps through the night.

so i guess he knew something was happening & he was crying out in protest.

i wonder whether you would have turned out to be a little sister or a little brother to him.

wherever you are, i love you & i miss you.

yes, even if you gave me a week of nausea & back aches.

bye baby.

your mother.

***

belated good news

this was an entry that i drafted earlier:

i am pregnant (again) :-)

weight : 47kg
vital stats : malas lah
hair : short & colored
LMP : 23 to 28 feb 09
EDD : 30 nov 09 (oooh, confinement in dec09 & jan10)
physical symptoms : bloated tummy, sore boobs, constipation (a real killer this)

yes we are expecting baby no. 2. etha*n is only 8.5mths old. when i’m due to deliver in late november, etha*n would be 16months old i.e. hes 16 months older to his little sibling. was it planned or was it oops? well, that’s a question to answer. a couple of months after etha*n, i was already badgering for another. why? because i felt etha*n was growing up too fast & i started feeling like oh-how-nice-to-have-another-soon. but i was also alternating with feelings of guilt towards etha*n. i just felt that i should spend more time with him before we have a 2nd child. but of course, seeing as i’m already in my 30s, its not like i can delay it for too long. so yeah, we wanted to have the 2nd one soon after etha*n but we’re both worried that etha*n didn’t have enough time with us. which is a stupid thing really. theres more than enough love to go around mah. the husband even said: make sure we treat them equally ok! yes sirree…

my period is very on the dot so when i was late by just a day, i had already rushed to get the pregnancy home test kit & tested myself immediately. the husband as usual, was very cynical, just like the first time. i dunno why he couldn’t understand that for a person who is hardly ever late, being late is an indicator of something, anything. this is called, knowing thine own body well. harumppff.

so, i took the test & it was positive. tadaaa…

i gotta take a picture of my tummy albeit a bit stretch-marky.

this time around, my mood swings are really bad. i am so short tempered and bitchy –it’s not funny at all. i don’t know whether its ONLY because of the pregnancy or could it be because i’m cranky for not having etha*n with me and because i’m tired from having to drive the Kepong-PJ-Puchong-KL-Kepong route everyday? i wonder if it’s a girl? my SIL told me that if i was in a mellow mood for my first pregnancy & i had a boy, then if i’m not in a mellow mood in the 2nd pregnancy then i might be having a girl? ada logic kah? whatever lah. right now, i just feel so tired & moody & short-tempered. the husband is not making things easy either cos he doesn’t seem as attentive as with the first pregnancy. i think some men look at it as “well she went through the first one, surely she can do this on her own now”. and yes, i can. but its just nice to have someone to lean on, to listen to my list of complaints (oh im tired/my boobs hurt/i feel so weepy). also, the thing that men should realize is this: just because we’ve gone through it before doesn’t make the next time easier especially as we have to deal with this pregnancy & all its many joys together WITH having to deal with the first 1 or 2 or 3 children isn’t it. have a heart men!! & more importantly, have a head!!

i’m only 5 weeks pregnant now. we’ve only told a handful of people because of the first-trimester-higher-risk thingy but that has slowly ballooned to more people. i don’t really want to treat it like a state secret lah & as it is i don’t feel right if i denied it. it is good news & he/she is a gift of God so i should be sharing my good news isn’t it? so yeah, i’ve decided to post this entry anyways. but maybe AFTER my check-up this weekend yer.