gedempol

@ 4.5 months or thereabouts

greetings from blub

@ nearly 6 months

pregnancy-related emotions??

why do i keep feeling like i don’t belong? or that i’m doing something wrong? these feelings are occurring frequently and it leaves me feeling a little despondent & i don’t even know why. is this what they call prenatal depression? could it be due to hormonal changes? i really don’t like these feelings. while i have them, i am consciously telling myself not to entertain such things too much. i’m afraid that i’m predisposed to post-natal depression. waaaaaaa!! i dowannnnn!!

it may not be depression after all. hehe… but i do have these disturbing feelings. can’t really explain them. its more of a feeling of emotional discomfort. i’m afraid that i wont feel comfortable as a mom. how will life change? there’ll be this little person who’ll be fully dependent on me –will i bond? don’t get me wrong. i’m looking forward to having the little tyke. i’m just anxious over everything: my parental abilities. my relationship with the baby. my relationship with the husband. my growing tummy. my rounding face. itchy skin. sleeping positions. money. my appetite. my yearning to be around my family (i.e. not my in-laws). baby-sitters. the baby bonding with my in-laws more than with my own family. eating crabs. drinking coffee.

what a worry-wart.

i have entered month 5

well, 5.5 months now. and i think i’m gonna be a huge momma. as the morning sickness has dissipated, so has the appetite appeared. things that i didnt particularly enjoy pre-pregnancy (e.g. sweets things) seem to have made their way into my mind and my heart and ultimately into my mouth. lucky for me i’m not in pigging-out mode… yet. lucky for me that one serving of each craving has been enough to sate the said cravings. these are the things that i’ve been craving for in the last 2 weeks:

- vanilla & lime or vanilla & chocolate ice-creams (1 small tub in 1 sitting last week)
- peanut butter and kaya waffles (1 last week)
- milo ice (2 big glasses on saturday)
- apple pie & ice cream (still haven’t had this yet)
- seven up / sprite (at least 1 can per week)
- tau foo fah (just had one last weekend)

we went for another check-up earlier this month & my weight went up by the expected 2kgs. i took a pregnancy weight gain estimator & found that i’ll probably weigh in at an additional 34lbs (15.5kg) i.e. i will be 134lbs (61kg) by the end of my pregnancy. fattybombom lah me hor.

everything is a-ok with the baby. the doctor even gave us a cd of pictures & short videos. so we can see the baby move. cool lah the technology these days. not that i can tell heads-or-tails of the videos/pictures she gave us. the baby’s moving about but i didnt feel anything from week 16 to 20. you’re supposed to start feeling the baby’s movements between week 16 and 20. maybe due to being busy at work. too busy to pay attention to what’s happening to my body. well, they’re slight movements anyways; not wrestling-style movements so if you’re not paying attention, you probably wont realize it’s the baby. i just thought i was releasing gas internally. and yes yes, i have finally been able to feel the baby move - when i entered week 21. yays. it really does feel like bubbles in your tummy. blub-blub-blub. makes me laugh lah actually cos its as though i kentut inside my tummy liedat. i think i shall call the baby “blub” for now.

we haven’t decided on a name yet. it’s more complicated to choose boy names than girl names, i think. & besides, the husband’s preferences are my dislikes. how ah? here are the names that i like:

adam/alexander/

christian/cole/

dylan/

ethan/elijah/emmanuel

isaac/

jacob/joshua/

lucas/logan/

noah/noel

ryan

i had to shop for more clothes & since i didn’t want to go to maternity-wear shops (cos their clothes are rather pricey and none-too-vogue) i went to niichi at the curve instead. hehehehe… and i got 6 items for rm350. it was a good buy i thought –but the husband said “take it easy.” men… they just don’t understand. however, my pride got a bit bruised –i had to choose the L and XL sizes. i can still fit into S size (cos they’re stretchables mah) but very tight. M was just nice. so since i have to leave some room for growth, L and XL it was. sobs… my boobs are hurting again. i think i might need to get some new bras too.

i’m 22 weeks now. so fast. another 4 months to go till i pop. the cellulites are attacking too. the husband & i, our favorite activity to do these days is to jiggle our thighs –to see whose is more well… jiggly. of course mine are jello-like lah. he got fit thighs. damn him. i keep telling the baby he’s making me fat. he make dunno only. can his silence be taken as an indication of things to come?? will he stare into space when i nag?? hmm…

i wish i was taller. then maybe i wont look so much like a blimp. actually i don’t look like a blimp lah. just felt like exaggerating. but i could be a blimp you know, if the cravings get out of control. but the boobs are really making me look preggers man. i don’t mind the tummy so much. i hope the baby will take to breast milk. help me get back into my old bra size. but not too much lah. takut-takut shrivel up pulak haha.