of course it's been awhile.

it's no secret that life gets in the way as we wade through the waters of life, with a husband, 3 kids, a household to run, work.

still, every now and again, i try to check in. if only to keep the blog active. for posterity. especially for all the entries on my firstborn.

... which dwindled markedly for the secondborn.

...... which became nil for the thirdborn. poor little guy.

since i'm here, i might as well.

hi everyone.

my name is aidan.

i was born on wednesday, 26 march 2014.

weight: 3.4kg

height: 49.0cm
pantai medical centre

aidan was due to officially arrive on 6 april 2014. however, as expected, he was early by 10 days, just like his elder siblings. this pregnancy had been, by far, the most challenging of the three kids. i was already showing a bump very early in the pregnancy; suffering from back aches and generally other aches & pains associated with weight gain. the weeks before aidan came, i was missing work every couple of days until eventually, the doctor agreed to give me an extended medical leave up to the delivery. i was on medical leave for a total of 12 consecutive working days.

unlike his abang and kakak, aidan arrived mid-week. thankfully though, it wasn’t in the middle of the night or during peak traffic hours.

at 8:45am on the day of his arrival, i discovered blood after using the toilet. before that, as i was getting up from bed i was thinking “aiyo, when is this baby coming out?”. luckily, the husband hadn’t left for work yet.

so, while i showered, the husband got me some wantan mee ;p. after breakfast, i took some pictures with the kids before we headed to the hospital at 10:30am.

we arrived at the emergency room at 11:20am and i was promptly deposited into a wheelchair… they wouldn’t let me walk although i told them that i could.  at 11:43am, i was only 4cm dilated so the doctor broke my water bag to hurry me along. by 2:15pm i was ONLY 5cm dilated… so lambat. so they decided to accelerate the process by giving me some drips (not sure what drip this is but it’s to induce labor) at 4pm. despite the drips, i was still able to deal with the pain which basically meant that the process was still going slow, and thus, the pain was still bearable.

because it was taking so long, they decided to increase the dosage of whatever drip it was that i was on. after that, wahhhh… the pain… the painnnnnn…

somewhere along the line i was given a pethidine jab AND the oxygen mask for pain management. all these were supposed to just help me relax but not take away the intensity of the pain, when it came. and boy, did it come. it felt like i had to “run” away from the pain… so i was thrashing on the bed; sucking in oxygen in a most un-ladylike manner; chest heaving in and out, in and out; drooling all over the oxygen mask; crying; praying to Mother Mary; moaning; groaning; asking the nurses WHY we women choose to go through this; grabbing & punching (once) the husband; blubbering on & on about how i should’ve opted for a c-section; asking if it was too late to have one.

at 5:25pm, it was time to push, and i was screaming in pain. literally screaming. i believe i also said “aidannnn commmmme ouuuuuuttttt!!!!”. baby finally came out at 5:36pm.

when the doctor said he was 3.4kg, it finally made sense to me why i was in so much pain during the pregnancy and delivery.

the nurses took aidan out of the room to tag him and run some tests (i think). i could hear him screaming from inside the room and doctor commented that he would probably be able to sing like daddy. while doctor was stitching me up, she told me that she had to cut me because of the way i was screaming.

moments later, they came back with aidan and placed him on my chest. aiyo so cute… and the love was just… there… as if this child has been with me all along.

surprisingly, i wasn’t too tired and didn’t sleep much until the night. i could even entertain guests (with lip gloss on ya ;p). ethan and ava came for a visit that night and were happy to see their little brother.

this time around, the husband stayed on in the hospital too. aidan was hungry and nursed during the night. ethan didn’t drink at all during the hospital stay. ava nursed more than ethan but not as often as aidan.

we stayed in the hospital for just one night. the next day, i was able to get up & use the bathroom a couple of times and was even able to shower on my own.

when we got home, the maid came down with the 2 kids to welcome us. i am pleasantly surprised that both ethan and ava took to aidan so well. no major jealousy-induced tantrums. ethan didn’t seem too bothered by his baby brother, often doing his own things and occasionally checking up on aidan. ava on the other hand, was the perfect big sister. always affectionately stroking his face and giving him a peck. i do feel that, despite not being jealous, ava misses me. sometimes she’ll wait for me to put aidan down for a nap before she sidles up to sit on my lap for some attention. kesiannn…

in the first few weeks, aidan was hungry almost every hour of the day. he gained weight so fast and really looked like a bola. at 1mo, he was wearing 3mo-sized clothes. at 2mo, he was already wearing 6mo sizes. so new clothes were needed quite fast.

breastfeeding is easier this time around but it’s still a mix between breast milk and formula feeding. my milk supply is still going strong although I have begun weaning him off now that he’s 7mo.

unfortunately, aidan got sick a couple of times and had to be admitted to the hospital twice. Once for bronchiolitis in sept 2014 and once for an acute eye infection leading to high fever in nov 2014. poor guy. still, he was and is in good spirits and i hope we won’t be faced with too many more visits to the hospital.

so there you go, the arrival of my last child.

christmas is fast approaching and we’re all very excited to get to the decorations and gift wrapping. till the next entry! hopefully not too far off from now.

lamentations

it's a monday.

i am feeling the monday blues... or is it the pregnancy bleughhsss...

i am now 24 weeks pregnant, more than half the journey completed. baby is doing good. we still havent decided on his name, though ethan has already been introducing baby to everyone. it's supposed to be a surprise but it's quite cute to hear him telling everyone (who asks) convincingly.

i feel fat. i feel much bigger than i was with ethan & ava at this point of the pregnancy. i havent done my yoga in a month, & i'm not sure if i will pick it up again seeing as i'm heavier & lazier. i'm 56.5 kgs at 24 weeks. which means i've gained about 8.5kg from my pre-pregnancy weight. if this trend continues, i'll gain another 5-6kgs by the time i reach the end. which means i'll be about 62 to 63kgs when i reach 40 weeks. 40 weeks is just 16 more weeks to go. not too long --4 months more.

on a positive note, i bought my christmas dress for cheap (as per my normal practice ahemm...). on a negative note, i'm not convinced that i will look gorges in it. i also bought my christmas shoes.

i should at least work on toning my arms i think. that way i'll not look too shabby. if only i could find the willpower.

sigh.

a special note for the little one

my youngest child,

your arrival will complete our little family.

i pray that you are blessed with good health + strength.

that while you’re in me, you’ll ignore my flaws, absorb my virtues.

may your life be graced with God’s many blessings.

may you be surrounded by good people + strong examples.

may you grow into a noble person;

fair + just + respectful to all, regardless of their circumstance.

remember that life has lessons to offer,

and no matter how bad, there’s always good in there.

may you always be close with your family,

+ come to us for comfort + tradition.

i hope that i’ll parent you well.

but if i stumble along the way, try not to judge me too harshly;

i too am learning life’s lessons.

i love you my child.

i’ll see you soon.

love, mom.

another boy in the family

yes, we've checked and yes, it's another boy for me.

during the check up (about 2 weeks ago), while i was lying down getting my tummy scanned, i noticed ava's expression changed. i thought she was having a poo-poo moment but quickly realized that it was jealousy.

i'm not sure if she was jealous cos the doctor was with me (she gets that way when her daddy sits too close to me) or if she realised we were checking baby out. in any case, after some cuddles, she was fine again.

other news, i bought myself a treadmill. in anticipation of the confinement period. my husband laughed but now he's getting excited about actually using it. of course he wasnt too pleased with my color choice --pink. but we're only using it indoors mah! i got the treadmill for cheap (only RM205) on groupon. since i'm not certain whether i'll ever ever ever use it, cos i have a history of not seeing through my exercise regimes, i figured buying a cheap one will lesson the sakit hati-ness of purchasing something and not using it. my intentions were noble ok --to have something for exercise, that doesnt take up too much space, thats not too expensive. so i hit all 3 objectives. now, lets see if i hit the MOTHER objective i.e. to actually exercise.

however, i would like to announce that i have been doing pregnancy yoga. well, i started yoga just before i found out i was pregnant, and after that, decided to carry on with it. of course, i hardly did any in the first trimester due to the nausea and fatigue. but as soon as i hit the second trimester, i began feeling better immediately and picked yoga up again. i'm still far from being consistent in my practices but i average about 2 times a week, now. which is much much much better than while i was pregnant with the first 2 kiddos.

i have to admit, i feel better. i ALSO have to admit that, perhaps because i am older now, i am a bit more worried about weight gain and looking like a blimp with this pregnancy, and thats probably the motivation behind doing the yoga and getting the treadmill. that and the fact that i began showing my pregnancy bump much earlier so much so that i cant fit into my regular clothes much earlier than expected.

keeping my fingers crossed that everything will go well for this pregnancy and that i will continue with some exercise (no matter how minimal).

Hello.

It’s been some time. Quite a long some time since I’ve posted anything here.

I have 2 blogs, and the initial intention was to keep family-type entries separate from other-type entries. In hindsight (and with much confusion as to which blog should be updated, when), there’s really no point in having 2 blogs since life, is life, and everything is intermeshed into one anyhow. So, I’m probably just updating one blog from hereon (and will try to maintain the other, just so past entries are not lost).

So. Some updates since my last entry.

Ethan is now 5yo and attending year 1 of kindergarten in a nearby, rather well-known pre-school franchise, which has good school amenities (as opposed to other pre-schools in the same fee range). Lots of Chinese classmates, with a smattering of Indians and Malays. So he sounds a lot Chinese. I think it’s an alright mix. He started play school when he was 4yo (in 2012) and had an Indian teacher who was lovely. This year, we chose a Chinese teacher for him just to give him a “rounded education”. Perhaps next year, when he’s 6yo, we’ll choose a Malay teacher to prepare him for primary school. He’s doing well and it quite a talkative little boy. Loves everything American Idol (especially Ryan Seacrest, microphones, speakers & stages). At some point, he was a big Tom Jones fan and was able to perform a couple songs (with much panache!) Ethan is still not much of an eater. He doesn’t take anything sweet (other than classic donuts which he calls snow donuts or our make-do, snow toast which he has at home). He is a big fan of spaghetti & pepperoni pizza. Quite the daredevil when it comes to water parks. Hates alligators. He can recite the Our Father, Hail Mary & Glory Be with minimal mistakes – and says his nightly prayers to ward away “bad dreams”. Pretty protective over his little sister but lately has started defending himself as she’s always trying to irritate him.

Ava is now 2yo and is a real mummy’s girl. She’s super touchy-feely and loves to touch my arms while sucking her 2 fingers –her comfort when she’s feeling sleepy. She’s doing great development-wise, excellent motor skills, loves to climb, run, balance, do the downward-facing dog pose, is able to speak & converse pretty well. Oh yes, she can tell jokes. She loves chocolates & sweet drinks, cakes, sweets and is basically like any typical kid who stuff their faces with junk until stopped. Generally, shes got no problems with eating but do have a preference for the junk over the nutritious. Still, shes game for trying out new things (plain yoghurt with honey, all sorts of fruits & juices). She’s quite possessive over me, and cannot see me sitting with daddy or big brother Ethan. She swings between being a princess (loves purple & pink, glitter etc) and being a tomboy (loves jeans, shorts). Ava’s relationship with her father is somewhat funny with her always insisting “I love mummy”, even if the father says “But I love you Ava!”. Like Ethan, Ava too sleeps through the night. Unlike her brother, she never took to the pacifier much, preferring instead her own fingers. Often times, her hands smell icky due to her sucking but I love it. It’s amazing how the horrid smells your own child emits/creates is something that you revel in (yes including their morning breath).

Both the kids get along pretty well with each other. Thanks to Ethan who just loves his sister and wouldn’t allow us to be too hard on her, even if shes naughty and hes getting bullied.

So now we get to the latest news.

We’re expecting Baby No. 3. I am about 14 weeks and am due on 6 Apr 2014 (based on LMP) OR 16 weeks and due on 29 Mar 2014 (based on baby’s development). In short, I’m past my 1st trimester and all the inherent challenges therein. We were definitely trying for a 3rd child, my being 36 this year and wanting to add on to the brood. So we weren’t surprised when the home kit tested positive (well I wasn’t; the husband, on the other hand, fell back on his default reaction: skepticism. tsk tsk). Given my history with early miscarriages, we went full out on the pregnancy support (as prescribed by the gynea) to ensure that the pregnancy is, well, supported. So far so good. 1^st trimester has come and gone and I’m off the support. Baby is doing good and hopefully will continue to be blessed and do well till delivery. We’ll be able to tell the gender at the next check-up (which is about 2 weeks away). ~Let baby be healthy and strong~

Ethan seems to be doing ok with the news and often kisses my tummy saying “Hello Baby!”. However, apparently, he did mention to his cousin “My mummy is having another baby. She doesn’t love me anymore.”

Ava, hmm, I’m not too sure. I don’t think she understand what this means. But when you lay it out clearly, she seems to know how it will affect her. Example:

Me: Ava, you’re gonna have a baby soon! You’re gonna be a “Kakak”.

Ava: Noooo… I not big! I baby!

Plus, everyone keeps talking to me about the middle child syndrome. Sigh. I hope she doesn’t have too hard a time. Ethan had it a bit tough when Ava was born, and he wasn’t even the clingy type. Ava on the other hand, is very attached to me and that seems to have escalated lately (perhaps due to Baby No. 3 coming).

Oh well. Let’s just hope everything and everyone will be ok.

So, there’s my news. Will hopefully be able to post new entries every now and again. Perhaps not as often as before, when I used to have more downtime than my present company. Till then.  

rambles

i am now 56.6kg after 5 weeks after giving birth. thats about 9kgs down. why so slowww...

feel lazy to work out. blech... did some lunges, crunches and squats with the husband the other day. boy did i suffer after that.

i should go for a walk every day. the morning's are the best as thats when the kids are still asleep. however, due to being up for night feeds, thats when i'm also asleep haha... damn, where is my will power?

i cant diet since i'm breastfeeding, so exercise is the only way to get back into shape.

aiyo... give me strength... more importantly, give me discipline...

a little news on ava

shes almost a month old now.

theres something to be said about looking at your newborn's body filling up and knowing that it's all coming from your breast milk. cos this time i'm almost exclusively breastfeeding. thinking back, i feel so sad that i didnt breastfeed ethan more/longer.

she's sleeping on her tummy now. so i can look forward to her having longer naps :).