notes to self - for future reference

on breastfeeding

- breastfeeding on one breast stimulates the other breast to leak milk. an electrical breast pump on the other boob helps. or you can use a breastpad to soak up the leakage.

- even if breastfeeding, make sure there is formula milk at home as the baby may not be getting enough milk from mommy in the first few days (cos mommy’s milk may not have come in yet) & will cry the house down due to hungriness.

- the diaper rash cream “bepanthen” can also be used to deal with sore / cracked nipples. get this at your local pharmacy.

- get a breastfeeding support pillow –good for elevating baby & supporting your arms so you can lean back & not slouch.

- for me, best to breastfeed while lying down cos it's kinder to the back.


other matters

- babies nails are very soft in the first few days so cutting them may be tricky as you cant tell which is nail & which is skin. it helps to wait till the 2nd week when baby’s nails have hardened a little. in the meantime, use them mittens!

- having short nails is more practical when dealing with babies.

- some things should already be prepared at home even before you deliver because husbands may not know what to get (or they may) e.g. formula milk, nipple cream, thermometer, thermo pot.

- a thermo pot is very useful cos you’ll need hot water for cleaning baby’s poop in the middle of the night.

- you can sterilize bottles once a day (with a sterilizer or just by boiling in a pot). in between sterilizing, you can soak in boiling water.

- you will have backaches after delivery due to bending over attending to baby’s poop & pee. this is also because apparently your tummy muscles don’t work as efficiently.

- if you have piles / hemorrhoids / constipation, you will worry about the first bowel movements after the delivery. make sure you drink lots of fluids & eat a lot of fiber. also, check with your gynea if you can take “daflon” to deal with the piles and “lactul” to soften the stool –these can be bought at the pharmacy. daflon are pills and lactul is a type of syrup.

- get your girdle & corset ready. i got mine from cosway at about rm100 for both. avon sells a 3-piece set for rm270.

- my family doesn’t believe in using pacifiers for babies but my in-laws are big fans of it. we’ve taken the “never say never” path & use one in emergencies..

- babies can be restless when you’re changing them. as an alternative to pacifiers, use your knuckle for them to suck on. of course, this only works if someone else is changing baby. make sure hands are washed clean before putting into baby’s mouth though. if husband’s fingers are hairy, this may not work. hehehe.

- diaper rash creams that have “zinc” in them work better.

- the chinese bedak amoi (the square one) works to reduce milk rash or any kind of rash on the face i suppose

about etha*n alexand*er

hello world

i am exactly 15 days old today

date: sunday 13 july 2008

time: 1pm
weight: 3.19kg

height: 47.5cm

pantai medical centre kl

i delivered etha*n in week 38 of 40 i.e. 11 days early. it wasn’t really a surprise cos the gynea told me to be on standby from week 36 onwards. i was also “expecting” to deliver early. well, its more like i “hoped” that etha*n would come early as i could no longer take the weight of being pregnant. on my last friday at work, i had already planned to ask my gynea for a 2 week mc for the rest of the pregnancy. at 38 weeks, etha*n was already 3.19kg & i was 63.5kg (18.5kg heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight). if i had delivered later, i suppose etha*n would have been heavier & who knows if i could deliver him vaginally.

etha*ns doing well except for a bit of jaundice which he developed on day 3. the pediatrician at pantai told us to sunbathe him for 30mins in the morning & in the evening for 3 consecutive days. unfortunately, the weather's been a bit off since he developed it. we went to another pediatrician who told us that sunbathing does more harm than good & that we shouldn’t worry as its just a mild case of jaundice. the rule of thumb is that as long as he continues to poo & pee regularly & remain active, the jaundice will be worked out of his system on its own.
etha*ns a smiley little boy. in fact, i’ve caught him chuckling in his sleep a couple of times. muahaha... its a real hoot to watch. im lucky to see it though cos the husband hasnt had the opportunity to catch these involuntary laughs. so farnee.

hes now 2 weeks old & starting to show some manja-ness. at night he sleeps best when placed between the husband & i, which makes it difficult to train him to sleep on his own. i just don’t have the energy to keep getting up from bed & rocking him to sleep again & again. besides, the nurses told me to breastfeed in bed at night. its really cute to see him snuggle up to me though. in fact i’ve been telling him that he can only manja with me & the husband & no one else. hehehe…

check out his macho look:

about the delivery

saturday 12july2008

got up at 9am dying to pee. relieved myself & found streaks of blood in the toilet bowl. heart skipped a beat. the husband called the gynea who asked us to come in for a checkup at the clinic. the husband made me a tuna sandwich for breakfast. showered, washed my hair etc & went to the clinic. gynea said i’m having my “pink show” & am already in pre-labor. told me to go & do whatever i wanted –shop, walkabout, eat whatever, clean the house etc. she expected me to go into labor only around midnight or on sunday morning or at the latest by monday. before we left, i told the gynea that i wanted to have the epidural & she said “we’ll see. i’ll let you go through some of the pains first before we administer the epidural.”

so we went to the curve & checked out paddington’s house of pancakes as recommended by some friends. didn’t quite enjoy myself as i was afraid my water bag would burst while i was walking about in a shopping mall so we left after brunch. we got the cleaners to come at 2pm to give the apartment a good cleaning before baby came & i thought that it would be good for me to do some light exercises so i joined in the cleaning as well. the husband made up our bed & the baby’s cot while i got the baby toiletries ready.

in the evening, the husband went for a swim & since neither of us wanted me to stay in the apartment by myself, i decided to walk around the pool while he swam.

we had planned to have some steak for dinner & durians too despite the husband having a total aversion to the fruit hehehe. but in the end i was too tired to go out. the mil came, at the husbands request, with some chicken wings for supper & she spent the night. his justification to me was “since we don’t know what to expect, its best that we have her around.”

we went to bed around midnight.

sunday 13july2008

i felt the first contraction at 223am. it wasnt excruciating but i felt it enough to wake me up. funny how i just knew to start timing myself. i didn’t even know what contractions felt like. the books say that “you’ll know when its time.” i guess they weren’t kidding. ok so for the benefit of other first time moms, to me, it felt like painful period cramps. so, i got up & got a pen & notebook & started jotting down the times the contractions came. told the husband i’ll monitor till contraction no. 10 & will wake him up then. when no. 10 came i texted my gynea who told me to go on to the hospital. i woke the husband up & took my shower & we left at about 530am. on the way to the hospital there was a police roadblock. the husband said to the police officer “bang, tengah mengandung bang.” muahahha… of course he meant to say “bersalin”. so farnee. in the car i decided to have a breakfast of 2 slices of raisin bread. just in case i wasn’t allowed to eat later.

we checked into the hospital at 6am & i was wheelchair-ed to the delivery ward. my mil was with me while the husband parked the car. it is a very very awkward moment having to don on a butt-revealing hospital robe in front of the mil ok. i mean, the husband asked her over the night before cos he said we wouldnt know what to expect. ok fair enough. but in the delivery room?? you’ve gotta be joking man. i mean i love my mil ok but i don’t really want to have her there while i kangkang my legs out & scream profanities at the husband right. just in case that happens lah. so i told the husband my feelings & he said that he doesn’t think she will be there while i deliver. lovely.

while the husband & the mil went to the cafeteria for breakfast, the gynea came to break my water bag at 805am & the nurse gave me an enema which looks like some kind of water in a bottle with a long thin nozzle which they shove up your behind & squirt into your bowels. luckily i asked the nurse how long it would take till i felt like pooping. she said almost immediately. even luckier was that i had enough sense to prop myself up earlier just in case i suddenly felt like letting go & tak sempat sampai the bathroom haha. so yes, as soon as i managed to swing my legs over to the side of the bed (which was quite difficult seeing as i had this bump in front of me as well as contractions), the urge came so i had to rush to the bathroom, with my legs tightly clenched hehehe. in my rush, i forgot to grab my towel. i had disrobed & was washing up when i heard the husband come into the delivery room moments later. i asked for my towel & opened the bathroom door with the hospital robe held up to cover my front but not my back. & guess what… my mil was the one who handed me the towel & since there was a big mirror behind me, she could’ve easily seen my naked back. luckily she wasn’t looking. hehehe… malu lah… anyways, she went home before everything really started so i was saved from further embarrassment.

i managed to make a few calls to consult some friends & my sister on whether to go ahead with the epidural. in the end, i decided against it. a nurse came in somewhere between 9am & 10am & told us that my contractions were coming a bit slow & that i wasn’t dilating fast enough & that the doctor decided to induce me. omg… within seconds of the drips entering my blood stream i was crying my eyes out. the pain!! it was so painful the nurses could hear my crying from outside the room. i remember one of the nurses coming in & giving me a jab in the butt which made me sleep in between contractions but didn’t take the contraction pains away. i remember saying “oww oww oww… so pain so pain!!” to the husband. i remember the nurse coming in again & setting up the gas mask for me. the husband was holding it to my face every time i needed it. later he told me that i seemed so angry with him & wouldn’t talk to him for 2 hours hehehe. so he sat beside me for 2 hours holding my hand but i didn’t talk to him, the poor man. he tried inhaling the gas twice just to see what the effect was like for me. ok so these were the pain relief i opted for instead of the epidural:

opioid analgesia - this is an injection given at the buttocks by the nurse. it doesn't remove all the labour pains, but still gives satisfactory relief to most mothers. nausea and vomiting may occur in some patients, who will be given anti vomiting medicines.

inhalation analgesia - the most common is entonox, a mixture of 50% oxygen and 50% nitrous oxide. it is usually used toward the end of the first stage of labour. you are required to fit the mask firmly over the face and inhale when you experience the painful contractions. you may feel a little light headed when breathing in the gas, but this feeling will disappear quickly when you stop using the gas.

sometime during the labor contractions, i remember i felt like pushing & i must’ve looked like i was pushing cos the husband told me not to push (he told me later that he didn’t want me to push while he was alone with me in the delivery room hahaha… basically he wanted me to wait till the doctor came in). i think (cos i don’t remember much) i told him to tell the nurses / doctor that i’ve started feeling like pushing. i don’t remember when exactly but suddenly the doctor & 2 nurses came in, examined me & said that it was time cos i was already 9cm dilated. next thing i knew, they made me open my legs & made me grab 2 handles at the side of the bed. i suppose the handles were for me to use as leverage while i pushed.

so i pushed & pushed. i wasn’t bothered with the pain by then, i just did what they told me to do. i was actually sleeping between contractions. i think i was doing it wrong cos they kept telling me not to shout / scream. that i should push as though i was constipated. the husband was also trying to coach me. at one point i got annoyed with everyone for telling me not to scream. i wasn’t screaming out of pain. i was just screaming cos you know, when you push, you’re exhaling. & at times i was exhaling for so long i lost my breath & screaming made me last longer without any air hehehe. according to the husband, 30mins into the pushing, our little one arrived. he was crying as they passed him to me & i remember thinking “my son looks chinese & so familiar.” while they took him to the nursery to be examined, i was being stitched up.

they brought him back a while later all wrapped up but still bloody. i guess its to make sure that no more time was lost for proper bonding. i stayed in the delivery room for about 2 hours before they transferred me to the maternity ward. it was amazing that i could still inch myself from one bed to the other bed. maybe cos the pain killers were still working.

anyways, thank god, everything went well with me & with the baby. we got discharged the day after. to everyone who came by for a visit, thank you.

ok one last thing. i know other first time parents would be interested to know how much it cost us. the total cost came up to about rm3,700 for a 1.5-day stay & a straight-forward normal delivery with minimal complications i.e. vaginal birth with no epidural for the pain & no vacuum / forceps for the delivery. it might have been cheaper if i wasn’t induced & if i didn’t take any form of pain relief.

baby sitting woes

allow me to bitch about my mil’s maid

my mil has a bloody demanding maid. arggghhh!! this maid is supposed to take care of blub when he turns about 3 months. its already been agreed that we will pay her an extra rm150 on top of her current gaji of rm450. the rm150 was actually paid to her earlier when she was taking care of another cucu. in the last 4 months, although she no longer takes care of that particular cucu, my mil has continued to pay her the rm150 based on the agreement that she will take care of blub later. so kira bonus lah for the maid right? not taking care of anyone but still getting the rm150 for the last 4 months.

well, guess what? little miss maid has decided to balloon her head up & demand for an additional rm200 to take care of the baby. that’s rm200 on top of the rm150 that shes been getting.

wtf right.

in total, she will be paid rm800 with the breakdown as follows:

- rm350 initial pay (she came into malaysia 5yrs ago)
- rm150 babysitting gaji for taking care of cucu #1
- rm100 a pay raise from my mil when miss maid’s employment contract was extended for a year (june08 to june09)
- rm200 babysitting gaji for taking care of blub

i am so anger about this. heres why:

i) she came into my mil’s household as a pitiful maid who was treated rather inhumanely by her previous boss. she was thin & boy did she hit the jackpot coming into this home. here, shes allowed many liberties: she can nap, she can chitchat with her boss, allowed to have a hp, to have a day off every now & again etc. & now, well now, shes turned into this big-headed, pijak-kepala-boss kinda maid. argggghhh!!! she can SHOUT at my mil can you believe that? she even has the cheek to scold my mil if she wanted to.

ii) she already agreed to take care of blub for rm150. now shes going back on her word. its not so much our paying her the rm200 as my mil will only ask us to pay THAT rm200 while she herself continues to pay the rm150, IF we agree to paying the maid rm200. so at the end of the day, for us, its just an added rm50 damage to our finances.

iii) she threatened not to look after blub if we don’t pay her the rm200. wtf!!!!!!!!! in other words, its non-negotiable lah right. in her own words “oh kalau macam tu, saya tak mau jaga lah.”

iv) i hate hate hate being forced into paying her just because (a) she asked for it (b) we’re afraid that if we don’t pay her that exact amount i.e. if we manage to negotiate it down to say rm150 (mind you, this is rm150 on top of the previous rm150 ok), then, she might do something to blub.

v) i hate hate hate hate hate thinking that if she has this “i’m in charge” attitude then maybe as parents, we cant even tell her how to take care of our child. you know, basic things like “don’t ever bring my child out of the house without my permission”. & believe you me, she has done this with cucu #1 many times.

other than this rm200-for-blub issue, apparently she has also decided to kira her gaji on a daily basis i.e. she went back to indonesia in december & came back sometime late in the month so she only worked like 3 days in december. come payday in january, she claimed payment for the 3 days of work in december. so berkira or what???

i was so angry that i told the husband that here are my conditions. we will agree to pay her the rm200 but:

i) we will pay her rm200 & not rm150+rm200.
ii) the rm150 stops now because shes not taking care of anyone. the new pay will begin in october (when blub is sent to her).
iii) for the first 4 months of taking care of blub, she will only be paid rm50 because for the last 4 months she has been getting rm150 for nothing.
iv) the rm200 will be pro-rated based on how many days she takes care of blub i.e. in october & december respectively, she will only take care of blub for 2 weeks in each of those months.

inhumane? not really. it just means that in total she will be paid only rm650. isn’t that quite a lot? other maids only get rm500 right? she says shes asking for more because shes taking care also of an 86yr old lady (the husband’s grandma) but then again, when she joined the household, she knew this already. and, the 86yr old grandma is capable of doing almost everything for herself. the maid is just there to keep an eye on her. & ya, maybe listen to her nagging. other than that, shes capable of feeding, bathing, shitting, walking up&down the stairs, even carrying little babies all by herself. she just needs to have someone around with her, but that’s it. and on top of all this, this old lady has other children who she visits on a rotational basis. so in any one month, she may be away for a week or two.

this maid gets to nap every afternoon. she sleeps in the same room with the old lady but it seems like she pulak is the owner of the room. she says she is praying but hello, do you lock the room for AN HOUR to pray ah? that’s five times one hour a day isit? so every day she gets 5hours of prayer time isit? whenever the grandma needs to use the ensuite bathroom, she has to wait for the maid to finish up & unlock the room door. either that or she has to walk up 2 flights of stairs to get to another bathroom. i have many many muslim friends including a muslim sister. firstly, no one has ever needed to pray in a locked room. in fact, as long as i don’t bother them, i can even be in the same room while they pray. secondly, tak pernah pun i dengar people pray for an hour for each prayer time.

this maid also argues that shes been here for 5yrs so she should be getting more than the newer maids. ok, true but why she want to sibuk about other maids? she wants to get paid more then she leave the country & come back in lah. but then you'll only be paid rm500 & not rm600 which you're getting now izenit? so cant you just be bloody grateful & not demand for rm800. biyatch.

oh yes, & have i mentioned that this one’s gotta mouth on her? i once called out to her & she SHOUTED back at me. so i shouted right back at her & told her to speak nicely. why? no manners ah?? another time, she told me that i was not a good person because i didn’t ask her if she had eaten. what the fucking hell… she, the maid, never asked us whether we had eaten also but we must ask her that??? wtffff…

i don’t know why my mil puts up with her.

anyways, i have expressed my anger & concerns to both the husband & the mil. so, the conclusion is & i hate to say this, we are gonna pay her rm200 as demanded (shit) but her contract will expire in june09 at which time i can tell her fuck off (whoopieee) & then we’re gonna share with mil on the cost of getting a new maid. yeah, agency costs as well as monthly salary.

good riddance to bad rubbish.

dreams

i dreamt that i had already delivered mr blub but forgot to feed him for 4 days. madness or what? in the same dream, after 4 days from delivery, i noticed that my tummy was already flat. wooohooo!!

according to literature, i would get "intense dreams" right about now.

i wonder what else i'll dream about.