confinement

it has been a challenging 2 days. my elder one is being a bit of a handful. i suppose its a combination of having a new sibling, being at an age where he is supposed to be a handful and having a mom who's already irritated by lack of sleep. poor guy.

i've been shouting at him for the last 2 days & he has been getting more spanks than he's had in his lifetime. every single time, i feel so guilty. cos the realization that he's not yet 3, that he's just acting his age, that he too has to deal with this new family dynamic, hits me after he's been given a dose of discipline. poor poor guy.

and every night i pray that God makes me a better parent, more patient, more gentle with my children, less cranky with everyone etc...

ava's also in a cranky mood and wants to be carried almost all the time. it's a bad habit to encourage but there you go... i hope everyone settles down soon.

the husband likes to resort to passing ethan to the nanny since she has a way with him. ok. she does. but i hate that someone else has to deal with my kids. even if she is the nanny. and the husband is not at home the whole day so he doesnt see that she too needs a break away from the kids.

so yeah. i REALLY hope everything settles down soon.

and this is already my 3rd week in confinement. i am going crazy. i so need to get out of the house. thankfully, i have a medical check up scheduled for tomorrow and we're taking ethan along. hopefully this will help ease his transition from being an only child to being an older brother.

on top of all this. i am looking at the condition of the apartment and have discovered that i) we need a new paint job desperately, ii) we've got way too many things and need to get rid of some, iii) maybe the apartment is getting too small for everyone and everyone's things.

i so need to get out of the house.