on outsourcing childcare services :(

i am a working parent. like many malaysians, i have a maid.

my maid, with us for 8months now, has been ok so far. & i hope she will continue to be ok for the remainder of her stay here.

i am thankful that she gives out motherly vibes which my son has taken to. & my heart warms to see ethan speak in melodious tones to her. the same melodious tones that he uses when he speaks to us, his parents. why heart-warming? well, recently i've had the opportunity to witness how some kids speak to their maids in such contemptuous tones & i didnt like it.

i know theyre maids but in a world where there's way too much ugly discrimination going on, i'd like to practice a little non-discrimination in my own little world. of course, sometimes i lapse but i do try to try. ok so, in the name of being a little less discriminating, i suppose i should use the term "domestic helper" instead ya :) (or is that equally derogatory?? aiyakk...)

on whether i'm jealous of this bond my son has with my domestic helper, yes, of course. in my mind, i'm constantly in a battle with myself: is this right or is this wrong? & my answers to myself are always moving in a pendulum-like manner: yes its ok. no its just not right for my child to "sayang" someone else.

since indonesia's moratorium on domestic helpers coming in to malaysia, you'll notice how there are so many write-ups on whether we are becoming too dependent on domestic helpers especially for something as personal as childcare.

i speak only for myself, based on the circumstances that i face, yes, i am very dependent on help, especially now. having gone through 2 miscarriages, having help around the house & with my son has been a welcome intrusion in our lives. yes, we sacrifice some privacy. yes, it's a strain on the finances. yes, my son has developed an affection for her.

but this is life. or at least, this is MY life. at least, for now. it's not like i can quit my job & be a full-time stay-at-home-mom. it's not like we'll suddenly get our parents to take care of our kids. & even if ethan starts school, i still have other things to consider.

yes, i do feel guilty that someone else is doing the things that i should be doing for my son. feeding, bathing, putting him down for a nap, comforting him when he's ill, entertaining him, teaching him... yes, believe me, the guilt is there. & i have to face it every day. yes, i feel weirded out when my son hugs her. but then i tell myself to take comfort, that it's better for them to have genuine affection for each other. if theres that bond, then hopefully, she will treat him as her own child & only do what's best for him.

kan? i hope so.

actually ah, i'm not too worried about my son forgetting who his mom is. thats cos, for the first 2 years of his life, we didnt have a domestic helper. it was just the 3 of us & so our bond is quite strong. we can see that ethan knows who his parents are. however, my 2nd one is arriving soon & i hope she wont have problems knowing who her parents are :) since she'll also be bonding equally with a 3rd adult in the home-front.

so, heres to dealing with our lots in life. good luck to you :)

childcare woes

in my previous entries i made some mention of driving helter-skelter all over the world and ethan going away on a holiday. so heres the elaboration on my references.


for the later part of 2008 and earlier part of 2009, etha*n has been cared for by my mil's maid while im at work. this maid's working permit is due to expire at the end of this month i.e. may09. some time in march09, she decided to buat hal again (not sure if i want to go into what the hal was now because macam malas mau type but see how i feel at the end of this entry ya). so, the husband and i decided we had enough of the sakit hati-ness of dealing with a rogue maid and asked my parents to babysit etha*n till our new maid arrives this month.


my parents came here in march09 to take care of my puchong sister's 2 kids as their maid had gone back to indonesia for a 6-week holiday. so the logistics were such that etha*n would sleep nights in puchong from sunday to wednesday. he would then sleep nights in kepong with us from thursday to saturday. i would visit him everyday after work and leave him again to get the husband from the office.


you might wonder, why didnt we just stay in puchong with him. well, my sister's house was packed with people lah with my parents and etha*n there as well as his playpen, walker, stroller etc. also, we only have 1 car and the husband's daily work hours are 12noon - 9pm. typically, i take the car to work in the morning while he takes the train and i get him at his office when his day ends. if we had stayed in puchong, the husband wouldnt have access to a train station (puchong mah) unless he comes with me early in the morning and i drop him off somewhere. so with etha*n in puchong, i travel from kepong (home) to pj (work) to puchong (son) to kl (husband) to kepong (home). tiring? of course. but i felt much better that my son was with my parents than with the cuckoo-bird of a maid.


ok so that was puchong. now, my sister's maid has comeback from her holiday and my parents relocated (hihihi) to kepong for 2weeks. 2weeks only because they had to go back to sabah this month. so, since my maid is only arriving this month end (and even she came earlier i still wouldnt leave etha*n alone with her just yet), we let etha*n go off with his gramps and grampy for a holiday. sobs. i'll be spending my 1st mother's day without my son also. sobs sobs. we sent him off to the airport last friday. there were no tears (im so proud of myself). but he didnt cry either... tsk... im "sorta" proud of him (i think) for not being cranky and going off without a fuss but im also worried that he wont miss me. so insecure i tell you hehehe. but its only for 3weeks cos then my mom will be coming back here to help me train my maid for 2months. phew!!


etha*n is having a gala of a time in sabah apparently. he hardly cries although sometimes he looks like hes "searching" especially when he gets up from his sleep. he was afraid of one of my brothers (the one thats LEAST scary pulak tu) but i've been informed that they're "best friends" now... after my brother took him to see the chickens, cat and dog. (no my family do not live on a farm... hehe... just a kampung and stray animals often come into the compound. freedom mah). so yeah, etha*n is settling in well. i call them about 5x a day hehe... macam lah the baby can talk to me. but i can hear him jabbering away in the background and thats enough. he has a different group of audience every day with my relatives coming to visit in the throngs. not because of etha*n necessarily but because my parents have been away for months. i keep asking my parent "dapat angpow kah??!" hihi... mata duitan lah i ni.


everyone tells me that this is a chance for me & the husband to re-bond & yes, its nice to have some time alone without having to rush over baby and being snipe-y at each other because we're exhausted. but i still miss my son. there are 2 sets of dirty baju which we saved to take to bed every night. hahaha... funny? yes...


now im contemplating on paying rm600 to go back to sabah for mother's day...